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Becoming a Better Person..One Day at a Time

Living without rules..actually sucks

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SO…As you can tell, I haven’t blogged in a little while. I have a ton of half-finished blog posts sitting on my computer waiting for me to get my shit together and finish them. The problem is that my mind is mush right now and I’m totally unfocused. After a lengthy discussion with the hottie I’m seeing (dating with a small d),  he brought up a good point: I LIKE RULES.

Rules

I like Rules!!

I don’t currently have any rules or structure in my life. I’m an unemployed mess. I spend my most of my days as follows: job hunting, going to the pool, going to the gym, watching tv, playing on facebook & twitter, and hanging out with my friends if I feel like it. You know..this was fun for about two weeks and then I was over it. Except for the fun day of standing in line for the Iphone 4, my days are getting pretty boring. I like having structure in my life somewhere. This is why I’m going to apply at Target tomorrow.

I’ve been job searching for a while. I have been to some networking events, gotten some interviews and I’m hoping at actually land a solid job offer very very soon (I’m on my 3rd interview w/a company right now!) but in the meantime, I need a boss. I also need a steady paycheck but right now I just want a boss. I want someone to tell me what to do because rules help me get the rest of my life in order.

When I have a job, I know what time I need to be in bed. Do I stay up late sometimes and feel bad about it in the morning? Yes. I have to plan outfits to wear, so I have to actually make sure all my clothes are clean and put in a place where it’s not hard to grab them from.  Do I always do that? No but it makes it easier. With a job, you have a lunch break and such so you eat during that certain hour during the day. All of these structured activities make me happy and help other parts of my life fall into place better.

It’s strange because I’m super independent and responsible but it feels like I just need one set of rules to make me start to feel normal again, instead of the lazy bum that I have become during unemployment.

Is anyone else like this or is it just me? Maybe I’m just crazy. Are there rules at the insane asylum?

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Written by Regina

June 28th, 2010 at 2:18 am

Posted in anxiety,stuff,twitter,zombies

Tagged with , , , , ,

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  • http://carleemallard.com/ Carlee Mallard

    I can completely understand your feelings, but I just don't share them. I don't know if it's exactly the RULES that you crave, but rather the structure, feeling like you have a purpose, a place to be at a certain time, etc. Maybe?

    The first few weeks after I started working part time, down from a full-time schedule I felt some of the same things… that I just needed to feel productive and have things to do and places to be. But then I lost all that anxiety and now I LOVE the freedom and control I have over my schedule. I do need structure, though, and I like some rules, but I definitely do NOT like having someone else tell me what rules I should be playing by.

    I need rules to live by, but I'm going to make those rules :)

    I hope you find a job soon!!!!